Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality

Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality

Recognizing, for the first time, that your long-time lover has a narcissistic personality can be a devastating discovery. For many, the shock never goes away, lingering long after the narcissist has done the usual Devalue & Discard and disappeared to find other sources of supply. Often it takes years to pass before the “good” partner finally even begins to dig into the research needed to validate and put a label on the questionable behaviors of the other partner. With so much time invested in a relationship, it’s difficult to accept that the love you thought you shared with someone was, indeed, a farce but the truth is that, with a narcissistic partner, a farce is all it can be.

Someone with a narcissistic personality is very adept at getting exactly what they want out of a relationship – even if they have to bleed the other person dry. Sex, lies, and passive-aggressive manipulation are the three more powerful strategies in the narcissist’s arsenal of emotional weapons and he will use each one to prove just how expert a marksman he truly is. Having a narcissistic personality disorder means constantly having to search and seek out new and better means of supply to fulfill his/her relationship agenda. Since a narcissist is unable to feel remorse, guilt, or any form of empathy, the fact that the main source of supply (i.e. the loving partner) must often be destroyed and resurrected over and over again matters not. The more the “good” partner suffers, the more alive the disordered partner feels – and around and around it goes.

The main point to remember about a partner with this disorder is that they can not ever be fixed – and nor do they care to be. Narcissists like it just the way they are. They will walk away from families and loved ones when least expected and act as if these loyal individuals never existed. Often, a narcissist will disappear for weeks and even months or longer, only to reappear as if nothing happened. In essence, they manage down the expectations of the victim to the point that the narcissist can pretty much come and go as they please without repercussions. It’s nothing short of severe emotional manipulation and abuse by no other terms.

Narcissism, unfortunately, has become an epidemic in today’s social networking lifestyles. These predators enjoy the hunt of online dating where they can wear the mask quite a bit longer and catch the very vulnerable. Learning to recognize the signs and behaviors of the narcissistic personality can prevent the abuse from ever starting or give you the confidence to finally and permanently exit the game.

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